Finding Comfort in Uncertainty
Perhaps I will find the answers
I do not know
Perhaps I may live with the plague my whole life
I do not know
Perhaps I may be healed from this
I do not know
Perhaps I will learn to stop saying I do not know
I do not know
Perhaps the only thing I do know is
I may never know
I do not know
When I was young, “I don’t know” was my standard answer for everything. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing, so I didn’t say much. I lived in a land of I don’t knows. Not knowing kept me in uncomfortable positions and also let others make my decisions for me.
Once I found a voice and a position, I had to be sure. If I wasn’t sure, then I would fall back into uncertainty. It was a control thing. I felt so out of control my whole life once I gained power from taking control into my own hands, I become stubborn about it. Even if I was wrong, I’d fight until I won or was proven wrong. My thoughts would be, Why do I have to back down? Why do I have to concede first?
It’s the human quality. You go from one side of the spectrum to the other before finding out that the best position is somewhere in the middle.
